When I started this blog I had this grand illusion that I’d write here everyday. Yes, well. We’ve seen how that’s worked out. It kind of annoys me sometimes that I can’t commit to something like this. I mean, when I sign up for something, I’m all or nothing. At least when it comes to my jobs, churches, and relationships. I can’t seem to give myself the same dedication.
I’ve said earlier that I was disappointed by God. This may seem blasphemous, as one of the “go to” phrases for Christians is, “He’ll never leave you nor forsake you.”…which, for some reason, translates to…God’ll never let you down. But that’s not true. Because He will. In a sense anyway.
We’re humans. Sure, we’re made in the image of God and all, but we have these horribly human-ish hang ups. One of them being this whole, “expectation” thing. We say a prayer, and we expect it to be like pixie dust, making everything in our world right. We expect God to never disappoint us. But I think that’s an impossible hope. Because somewhere along the way, we’re going to have a wrong expectation. We’re going to expect God to be a genie, or a magician. We expect Him to do what we think, at the time, is best.
For instance, I was part of a group of Christians, who had this fantastic vision. Our hearts were in the right place, or so I thought. When we didn’t succeed, I was mad at God. I had figured that He’d be behind us, and help us get there. But He didn’t. I was let down. I felt like He wasn’t all that He said He would be, for me.
But that’s on me. Not Him. By expecting Him to do the thing I want Him to, I put Him in a box. If He dares to do something contrary to that, I blame Him for it. When really, who the heck do I think I am…only giving Him one course of action? He’s GOD, for pete’s sake!
Now am I going to LIKE every thing He does? Heeeeellllll no. Example: I don’t like that He made women have a period every month. I don’t like that He didn’t heal my Papa of cancer. I don’t like that He made mice. I don’t like that I have to struggle with Diabetes, when I KNOW that He could have prevented it.
Yeah, I can sit here and say the typical Christian-ese stuff.
“God sees the big picture, while I only see a little. He knows what He’s doing.”
“God won’t give me more than I can handle.”
“God knew this was coming, I have to believe that He’ll work it out.”
The truth is though, I’m disappointed that this is happening to me. I’m frustrated that God isn’t taking care of me better. He’s GOD, and I expected more of Him.
That’s the thing though. He’s God. Not Walt Disney’s idea of a Genie.
Who am I to tell Him what to do, where to be, and what to say?
Is it His fault that I’m frustrated with Him? No. It’s mine. I have to let go of my own hang-ups. My own expectations. I’m not in charge. I gave up control when I invited Him in. Now I gotta trust Him to do the very best He can with it, whether I like it or am comfortable with it. That’s where that verse comes in to play
.
Deuteronomy 31:6-“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Because that’s the truth. When I gave my life to Him, He took it. He’s holding me very carefully, and I don’t have to worry about ever being alone again. With that, comes the chance of being disappointed. Simply because I’m not the one in the driver’s seat.
Personally, I’m seeing the advantages to being driven around by the God of the universe. Even if He makes some side trips for detours that I really hadn’t planned on! He’s still in control, and He’s still got my best interest at heart. He continues to love me through the temper tantrums I throw in the back seat, and stays quiet while I call Him all kinds of names for not doing what I wanted. He lets me get it out of my system, then says, “Okay, well look where I’m taking you now.” Ten out of ten times, it’s better.
And I should really know better by now. I mean, He is God after all.
